These days, I wake up wondering where in the world I am. No, I don’t suffer from temporary amnesia. I don’t travel for a living. I do know my home address. But I wake up and I don’t recognize this life of mine… it feels so far off where I thought I would be, how I thought things would unfold. To be honest, I feel quite lost most days. Am I the only one?
Chalk it up maybe to a surprise pregnancy at 39 (#4 that puts me in the “Oh, you’re that kind of family” category), what feels like being placed on the bench when it comes to my call in life, a recent move to a new house that has felt like a mistake, and when you spend your day with young kids its easy to wonder what you are doing that is worthwhile. So yeah, I may be suffering a bit from a mid-life crisis.
The hopes and visions I had for my life 10-15 years ago and the reality of what it is today, well, they don’t match up. And so as I wake up each day and face my life, it just doesn’t look like I thought it would. The twists and turns it has taken over the last 8 years, some that have happened unexpectedly to me and others I have chosen, has left me quite disoriented, confused… feeling completely lost. And it never feels good to feel lost.
Recently on a mini spiritual retreat, I stumbled upon a prayer labyrinth. What is that, you may ask. A labyrinth is a path which leads, via a circuitous route, to a center. As you walk the twists and turns of the labyrinth path, you use it as a space to pray, center and listen for where God is present in your life. And it always has a center, a destination. It leads somewhere! Finding this prayer labyrinth at this place in my life felt fitting.
As I sat before the labyrinth, before even beginning, a verse came to me…
Come to me all you who are weary and heaven laden, and I will give you rest… Matthew 11:28
How I long for rest in this confusing, angst ridden, feeling lost place in my life right now. So I began walking, feeling the invitation to come to Jesus as I did. I walked the path, a path that turned and turned again and seemed to make no sense. And I heard this…
Come to me you who are weary and burdened with many things… you who are confused and tired from this journey that is your life. I will be your rest. Though you feel lost, I know where you are. Though you feel you travel winding roads that seem to lead to nowhere… Though you feel you are not making progress… keep in step with me. Stay on the path of my choosing. I am leading you home. Deeper into me. I will lead you home to my heart. To center.
When I reached center I just stood there… embracing the truth…
Even when we feel a bit lost in this life, God knows where we are. Even when we feel we are on a winding path that has had twists and turns we don’t expect, and it has left us confused, this path that we are on, this path that is our life, it is leading somewhere!
The path of faith always leads us home to the heart of God… to center.
Even if we don’t know where we are, He knows, and He is leading us home.
The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8 NLT